Long-Distance Relationships — Do They Have a Happy End?

Long distance relationships have become a hot topic in the last couple of years. In this article, you will find out how it is to be a partner in different time zones, how to maintain intimacy at a distance and why a person starts such a relationship.

How long can a couple live at a distance without damage to the relationship?

To determine the best time for yourself, answer the following questions.

• How long was your couple together before long distance relationship?
• Is there any trust in the couple?
• Do you and your partner know how to be close?
• Do you have a desire to build a joint future, do you talk about future plans for life?

If we talk about breaks between meetings, then, based on my practice, I can say that two or three months at a distance pass painlessly, then people are already starting to wean from each other. There are studies that say that the safe period for long-distance relationships is one to three years — this is provided that partners meet regularly, once a month or several months. Research also shows that it’s better to meet more often for fewer days than once every six months for a few weeks. More frequent meetings help not to wean from the partner at the level of the body and psyche and do not let you forget the partner’s smell, which is very important from the point of view of physiology.

Techniques that are important to implement in the life of couples who are at a distance

Firstly, it is very important for each of the partners to receive joy outside of relationships: to learn to be alone with yourself, to look for your hobbies, to build goals, to formulate your desires and bring them to life. Secondly, you need to regularly devote time to relationships: talk, negotiate and, when the time comes, negotiate. Conversation and agreements are the basis of the foundations in a relationship. Discuss all the main issues with partners, bring them up for discussion again when something needs to be changed. Including:

• how often do you want to communicate with each other and at what time. Be sure to use video communication, this will help you feel the presence of another;
• how you can diversify your calls and online meetings. For example, through video communication, you can have dinner together or go to the store, cook and do things that you would be interested in doing together in person;
• how can you realize sexual energy in a couple, because sex is an important part of a relationship.

Pitfalls of long distance relationships

For people who fear intimacy, long-distance relationships are the perfect way to work around their traumas. In such relationships, it is very easy to create the illusion of closeness and at the same time not be afraid of a breakup and the pain associated with it, not to let a person really close to you. However, you run the risk of not getting real intimacy. Often we build relationships based on our traumas. If there is a fear of intimacy and an unconscious desire to avoid it, then there will be those partners who cannot give this intimacy. After a while, you may feel dissatisfied with this state of affairs. You may want to develop the relationship further: have a baby, equip an apartment, etc.
In what situations is it better for a couple to be at a distance than together, and how to determine this?

Remember that situations are different: working conditions, a pandemic and other important circumstances. You always have a choice: stay together or break up — this is important to keep in mind. Answer yourself in writing two questions, and then analyze your answers: “What keeps me in this relationship at a distance and what do I get?” and “If I want to leave, then from what? What doesn’t suit me?

What is important to consider when a long-distance couple decides to live together?

In any relationship, when a couple moves in, there may be issues with reducing the distance. In addition to general adaptation to each other and everyday issues, there is a risk of presenting yourself as real. It may be difficult to start talking about your desires and setting boundaries, you need to be ready for this. Another feeling that women experience more often is shame. In this case, you are confronted with your attitudes about how you should look and how you should act. Often such anxieties arise in people who have been taught to be “good for others.” This happens even in childhood, but later, in adulthood, it is difficult for such people to be themselves and not look for a guide in another person. At such moments, the fear of rejection and punishment turns on, so a person tries with all his might to meet the expectations of another.

Final word

It is important to understand whether a person wants to experience other relationships? If so, then sooner or later he will have to enter into them, learn to be intimacy. Most often, people are afraid of intimacy because of the fear of being rejected and abandoned. Perhaps, in childhood, the child did not develop closeness with his mother, or she was interrupted at some point, he does not have enough experience to build such relationships in adulthood. Psychotherapeutic meetings help in this case like nothing else.